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Agewell Health promotion for older people in New Zealand |
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Loss and Change, Grief and DepressionDealing with Christmas and the Holidays
Dealing with Christmas and the Holidays Christmas and the holiday period are particularly difficult times for those who are bereaved. The Christmas period—supposedly a time of joy and celebration, and for families being together-- can accentuate the absence of the deceased person more than any other time. For those who have had a family member, or a loved one, die through the year, there is no doubt that life is different, and that it will never be the same again. Perhaps you wish that you could just cancel Christmas this year. Some planning and special preparation for what you do, and do not want to do, may help. Listed below are some suggestions you might find helpful:
Some Suggestions for Christmas Day:
Thoughts based on material from Tobin Brothers, and compiled in a handout by The Road Trauma Support Team (Melbourne). Suggestions also drawn from Rando, T, How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies. Lexington, MA: Lexington Books, 1988 (pp289-292). Other useful websites with handouts and information: www.childbereavement.org.uk (Support and Info/Articles and Leaflets/ No25, Managing Christmas) www.skylight.org.nz (Information sheet, Coping with Holidays and Special Days) Source: The Grief Centre
Unresolved miscarriage
grief Miscarriage Support Auckland has an excellent website with a section on the grief feelings experienced by older women. Loss and ChangeLoss and change are part of the ebbs and flows of life and we are likely to experience them as we age. Grief is a natural reaction to loss and is a way of coping and healing. In the booklet by Age Concern New Zealand, 'Ageing is Living', the page entitled 'Experiencing Loss' says that a person may grieve when they lose:
Grief can include a wide variety of feelings and emotions - anger, sadness, shock, disbelief, denial, anxiety. It can perhaps even mean a sense of renewal. It takes time to adjust to loss and change and grief has its own shifting timeframes. No one grieves the same, or feels the same. There is no time limit on your grief and there is no right or wrong way to grieve - just your way. There are many interesting and helpful publications that may be of assistance for you. One for example is the booklet by Lois Tonkin, produced by Age Concern Canterbury, entitled, Riding the Storms. Click here to contact them to find out how to get your copy. Sometimes however, feelings of grief seem like they are here to stay. If you have persistent distressing signs, which continue for a number of months after a bereavement or loss, seek help from a doctor or counsellor. Grief and DepressionThe signs of depression and grief can be similar, although people who have experienced both talk about the ‘sadness’ of grief compared with the ‘numbness’ or almost non-feeling state of major depression. An excellent fact sheet by The Mental Health Foundation called ‘Late Life Depression’ looks more closely at depression. Although in recent years depression has become more widely understood, older people might describe themselves as having 'a fit of the blues' or being 'in the doldrums' rather than admitting to being depressed. The fact sheet covers a variety of information on what to look out for and when to seek help. Many people have developed their own coping strategies for those moments when they've got the blues - walking on the beach, gardening, treating yourself to a luxury, spring cleaning, having your hair done. Unfortunately, sometimes these strategies do not work. There are symptoms that, if present for two weeks or more, GPs, and mental health clinicians recognise as possible indicators of depression. These may include:
Depression can be treated and its effects minimised when recognised early. Talk to your GP. The earlier diagnosis is made and treatment begins, the better your chances of recovery and a return to your usual activities and enjoyment of life. The section, Conditions and Treatment, on the Mental Health Foundation’s website, www.mentalhealth.org.nz contains a number of pages about depression and its on line bookstore gives details of pamphlets, books, videos and training workshops on depression and older people, for purchase or loan. Many organisations around New Zealand can be of great help and support. Contact your local Age Concern Council or Citizens Advice Bureaux for those in your area. There are a variety of websites available that discuss loss and grief also that you may wish to have a look at.
They support people of all ages through the challenging times that follow the loss of someone special. Open to all members of the community and people of any age, the Grief Centre can help you and your family heal from the pain of loss and continue grief’s journey with newfound hope and peace of mind. The Grief Centre is located at 92 Hinemoa Street, Birkenhead, North Shore City. Have a question? 418 1457
Out of the Blue/Kia Marama
The
Mental
Health
Foundation
is
launching
(June
2005)
a
major
new
depression
awareness
campaign
called
Out of
the
Blue/Kia
Marama.
Sue
Turner,
the
Mental
Health
Foundations
Acting
Chief
Executive
said:
Links to Other Websites
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Please Note Age Concern North Shore has tried to ensure that all information on this website is correct. However, Age Concern North Shore does not accept liability for any statements or advice contained on, or omissions from, nor endorse any suggested site on this website. Other websites referred to on this website are here for reference only. The information on this website should not be regarded as a substitute for professional advice and we do suggest that you consult with your health, legal or financial professional. ©Age Concern North Shore 2001-2007. E-Mail us dianem@acns.co.nz about the website. Website last updated 30/06/2010 |